BIG Bad Bob

Remember those college parties, those fraternity "blow-outs" where you got so blitzed, you didn't remember a thing you did or said, and wouldn't believe what anyone told you until the pictures came back from the drug store?  In those photos you were wearing a house dress, brown socks and flip-flops, slow dancing with Frieda the girls wrestling coach, and sporting albino devil ears on your head that you made by emptying an entire carton of Cool Whip in your hair.?  And what about the next day when Frieda grabs you in the hall way and plants a big wet one on your lips and says, "Yes, Liebchen, even though there's a twenty nine year difference between us, I vill divorce Otto and marry you....and I do promise to spank you when you're bad!"....

            Do you find yourself longing for those days?  Are you toying with the idea of trading in the station wagon and taking out an equity loan so you can buy a Corvette or Porsche?  Do you find yourself hovering around the "GRECIAN FORMULA" display at the drug store or paying close attention to those "HAIR CLUB FOR MEN" commercials?  Then I don't know how to break it to you Tarzan, but you appear to be going through your (echo) "MIDLIFE CRISIS"!     The "OH NO, LIFE IS PASSING ME BY" phase of your existence!  You are in your "I-gotta-do-all-the-things-I-haven't-done-I'll-show-them-I'm-not-getting-older!" mode!....

            So now you find yourself signing up for sky-diving lessons, bungie-jumping, roller-blading, body building, slam and break dancing instructions (which are passé) and walking around giving everyone the thumbs up sign and calling them "DUDE".  Calm down Sparky!  This ain't your generation and you're embarrassing your kids!!

            Lets be logical about this.  First of all, you didn't get this far being careless or stupid, did you?  Parachutes are considered EMERGENCY equipment, and were designed to help save you if you're in a plane that's in trouble and you have no other choice but to jump!  Unless you're a trained airborne type soldier and are getting paid for it, why would you deliberately jump from a plane?  And bungie-jumping, think about it....you're jumping off of a bridge and risking your life to be nothing more than a screaming and kicking, human YO-YO!  What's the point?  And break dancing?  If I'm going to get a rug burn on my back, it ain't going to be from BREAK DANCING!  As for roller blading, if you can stay up on those things and not break any of your body parts, more power to you.  The body building thing... you saw what it did for Dr. Frankenstein.  With the villagers and their torches, you'll never get another nights sleep....he wasn't a very popular man.....

            Do what I do.  Live for the moment.  What's the big deal?  So you're getting older.  Consider the alternative.  However, if you really want to do something different, take up Yoga, or transcendental meditation.  These are things that will be useful in your future, so you can learn to put yourself in a trance and ignore pain.  You see Mother Nature has a little surprise in store for you.  Just as you are getting over your midlife crisis, your Soul Mate will be entering her change of life, and now you'll really be playing with "FIRE"!   ....